Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
