that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
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