next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
