you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Randomize
