yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize