I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
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