It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
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