Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Randomize
