we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I supernannyed him into submission
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
