: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
