I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
