"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
zippers are such a cool invention
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Randomize
