my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Randomize