You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
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