I have demons in me.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
She's not a foreskin expert like you
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Randomize
