just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
