your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Randomize
