I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize
