I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Randomize
