Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
