Quick, to the slutcave!
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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