I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
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