apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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