yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
