her facebook's as public as her vagina
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Randomize
