The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
