Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
This is classic penis vs brain.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Randomize
