just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
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