Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
We named our party play list daddy issues
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Randomize
