She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Randomize
