i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Randomize
