New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
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