she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
