I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Randomize
