Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
