Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
that is very illegal...i love you.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
