The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
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