I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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