I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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