Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Randomize