My liver just broke up with me...
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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