you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
