I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
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