were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
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