Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
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