Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
