Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
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