i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
