dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
