no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
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