i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
