was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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