What a fucking waste of an outfit
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize