Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
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