just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
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