your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
