I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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