the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Randomize
