when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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