i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
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