I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Randomize
