i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize