I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
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