Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
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