she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize