fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Come share oat with me in your robe
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
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