Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
My breasts were aching with rage.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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