There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
