people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
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