your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
