i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
