Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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