Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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