i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
