Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Randomize
