I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Randomize
