We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
i need to put some appletini on your dick
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
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