I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
